Unlearn journalism

In plain and simple English it is a leech. In marshy waters leeches have the habit of creeping up the most uncomfortable places in one's body, and they have paired with the colonial British gentlemen to create some hilarious jokes that are popular in this part of the world.

Therefore, the leechier a journalist can be, the more he will suck out information. That's why they have to stick close to one who is news-worthy, or news-unworthy. But many of our news-worthy or unworthy people do not enjoy journalists creeping up too close, like that leech. They have no mood for this particular "joke."

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Some of them actually begin to show the signs of severe allergic reactions like itching, hiccup, sneezing, coughing, and even hysteria at the very sight of a newsman. To save their lives they either start looking for inhalers or the back doors. Then again, there are others who decide to come out from inside their cocoons once in a while to face journalists. Often such occasions provide them with the opportunity to give advice or sermon to the latter.

One such million dollar advice was given the other day by the news worthy CEC to the journalists of the country. The journalists who were present there heard him say 'learn journalism.' He was visibly upset when the newsmen had asked for the umpteenth time when he would resign. Instead of giving a straight answer the CEC advised them to learn journalism first. An innocuous advice coming from a senior person. No harm in that. But what the cynics heard him say was 'unlearn journalism.'

To defend their claim the cynics say that between the lines of "learn journalism" the actual message was:

"Unlearn whatever you guys have learned all these years. You better forget everything your editor has briefed you on. Better take a new sobok (lesson) from us ... learn to talk and ask questions that would make us happy ... and make us smile. For instance, talk about the efficacy of the voter list we have 'created' and see how we smile.

"Who knows! We might even give you a long hug for that (by the way, are you interested about a posting in New Delhi ...or London ...or US ... just let us know). But, instead of asking such beautiful questions what you brats often ask makes us angry ...very angry ... and sometimes we wish to put you across our laps and give a good spanking. You know about that ... spare the rod and ...?

"Look lads, all these years you journalists have been trained to ask unsavoury questions straight in the face of the high and mighty like us without blinking your eyes ... and to tell you frankly, we do not like that. It was a different brand of journalism you learned. Now time has come for you to unlearn all that and take new lessons in journalism. And we are here to teach you."

After the CEC, another million dollar piece of advice came from someone even higher and mightier than him. This time the law minister has asked journalists to go and clean dust from the files lying in some corner in his office. This advice came when some journalists had taken the liberty to draw his attention to the dust-covered files containing papers concerning separation of judiciary from the executive.

Yes, those files. Ah! Thank God, you remember. We wonder how did the minister know that journalists usually carry dusters along with pen and paper when they go to talk to important people about things that are important for the nation!

Don't be surprised, dear readers. That's exactly how most of the people in power and out of power feel about journalists. They do not like to be asked simple questions like -- how many millions have you siphoned away from the state coffers or why do you give shelter and protection to smugglers, drugs peddlers, killers, hardened criminals, terrorists, etc, or why certain files did not move in five years, and so on.

In fact, the ruling class always finds honest journalists as living impediments to their "development" activities. That's why they prefer dead journalists to live ones.

Shahnoor Wahid is a Senior Assistant Editor of The Daily Star.