Hell-bent on going to heaven!

Hence, the name of this column. If one will give a careful look around, one will find that the veneer of civility is peeling off at a rapid pace from society, thereby exposing the moth-eaten blemishes here and there. And insensibility is no more considered a mental aberration that needs to be treated on an urgent basis.

Of late, the collective media have been assiduously bringing bizarre "breaking stories" to our dining tables every morning, to spoil our breakfast, and keep our senses under clouds of confusion for the rest of the day. Last two months it was on the "arrest them, arrest them not" drama concerning the terrible terrorists of the country.

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One must appreciate the brave young reporters spending hours in front of the houses for a glimpse of the VIP terrorists holing up inside. They have been providing running commentary of every move the men and women made inside, and also of the chaotic running about by the Rab members outside (It seemed everyone in black gave orders to one another but no one carried them out).

Thanks to the TV channels, besides the graphics of Shaikh Abdur Rahman surrendering live, we have had the rare privilege of looking at the anointed commode used by the Shaikh in his Sylhet house toilet. Think of it! Even CNN or BBC or even Al-Jazeera could not show us Bin Laden's toilet no matter how desperately they tried with the help of all the satellites hovering over the area. Imagine blowing up the holy toilet house with a rocket while the world's number one terrorist was relieving himself of earthly waste! So, Bangladeshi media is one up on that count, I must say.

Wait, wait, we have more that should go into the dossier on the "War on Terror" as "first time ever." This is for the time in Bangladesh history that fire brigade water has been hosed down in full fury inside the houses, both in Sylhet and Comilla, to flush out terrorists! We haven't heard of using this watery tactic against terrorists in recent history. I only know of an incident during the Second World War and it was about three or four French resistance fighters who had taken shelter in the basement of a big house in suburban Paris after successfully killing a German general.

When grenade charges could not bring them out, the Germans beamed down water from a fire brigade vehicle and at one stage when the basement got filled with water the guerrillas had no option left but to come out and surrender. Coming back to Bangladesh, I wonder how could the fire brigade vehicles enter those narrow roads in Comilla and Sylhet? (Anyway, the US military may consider using the water strategy to "dampen" the fortitude of terrorists world over. They, however, will require an entire sea if they want to flush out all the anti-Bush administration terrorists who lie low all over the continents.)

There is more "first time ever" stuff that must also go to our credit. That our militants love their wives and children a great deal more than the non-militants do became evident when Shaikh Abdur Rahman surrendered along with his entire family. Though he has been taking the sons of poor people away from them and sending them to heaven, he preferred to have his own wife and children with him even while in hiding. Apparently, he wanted to enjoy the goodies of both the worlds! And then we saw the entire family of Mollah Omar heading for heaven. Lo and behold! He wanted his wife to be around in heaven instead of the "promised" 70 houris! It is difficult for us to conclude convincingly at this point whether most mortals would like to follow him, that is, want their wives snooping on them even in heaven! Good heavens! No! Undoubtedly, Mollah Omar of Bangladesh would be the first terrorist to arrive at the gates of heaven with his entire family and not demand houris up front, pronto.

Now, let us turn our eyes to yet another issue that is also connected with the newly found religiosity in a section of people in Bangladesh who are hell-bent on going to heaven. Our attention has been drawn to the recent news disseminated by the US Embassy in Dhaka and it is about the Peace Corps members being withdrawn from various corners of the country and sent back home. The decision came in the wake of the arrest of Bangla Bhai and Shaikh Abdur Raman. There is a fear that hundreds of JMB men are roaming around the country and converting Muslims to Islam. They are going about telling people about the importance of growing a beard, wearing a cap and wearing the special dress that is worn in heaven by everyone. I don't know whether the Peace Corps guys have been approached by the Bangla Bhai men and told to repent by wailing loudly in the market place for having been infidels for so long and from here on follow their tariqa, that is, do as they do. I don't know whether the infidel Americans ran away when they were given a bag full of small stones -- for cleansing purpose! Perhaps that did it. That scared them infidels away. Can't really blame the poor guys. After all they came here to establish peace and not to go back home in pieces!

Have you ever wondered how the JMB guys managed to have the entire lot of bomb making chemicals, thousands of detonators and other stuff smuggled into the country from India through the border areas, as confessed by the kingpins themselves? When Jadus and Madhus and Rahims and Karims get caught every time they try to smuggle in a small quantity of this or that to supplement the family income, the trained cadres got past tons of materials without getting caught once! I am sure all the border security forces on our side of the border are one-eyed. Because they can only see one side at a time! Yes, that must be the reason! Then think of the help the JMB men got from everyone while moving the precious cargo to Dhaka, Tangail, Mymensing and other areas. Amazing, indeed!

Interesting to know that the fearless Shaikh has boldly declared that he does not need to take bail from this earthly court. Hmmm, janab Shaikh, how come you finally surrendered to the very much earthly law enforcers of the country? How come you used earthly chemicals, detonators and mobile phones and tons of earthly money to keep your operation going? So, sire, when you have to kill innocent people you need everything earthly that is available. But when it comes to saving your own skin you talk of divine support. And finally he has confessed that he has received funds from foreign-based organizations that allegedly have links with Al-Qaeda. And all these "holy" activities have been going on in the country through various commercial banks and agencies right under the nose of the administration!

Frankly speaking, we haven't seen the back of the Frankenstein's monster yet. A large segment of people in this country are still behaving oddly from an overdose of adulterated religion fed by the quacks. When religious history and religious philosophy are dished out by half or illiterate people, who have no intellectual ability to differentiate between the esoteric, metaphors and historical truths, we cannot expect anything better than what has already materialised before us.

The malaise has already gone deeper than what we may assume. But the charade must end here. Therefore, it is time for the literate and sane civil society to step in and redesign religious education in conformity with the need of the time and take full control of the running of the religious institutions like madrashas and mosques. These must not be monopolized by a section of people who, to a large extent, are intellectually impaired and yet have this "holier than thou" disposition.

Shahnoor Wahid is a Senior Assistant Editor of The Daily Star.