Committees, sub-committees and sub sub-committees

Q: What is your opinion regarding separation of judiciary from the executive in your country? Some people say it is taking longer time than it should.

MLDDA: Who said it is taking long? I am sitting on it for four years only and you call it long? Don't listen to the people. You see it is an interesting topic. Very interesting, don't you think so? All my friends are of the opinion that it is very interesting and I agree with them. It's an old problem, isn't it? Judiciary and Executive. Executive and Judiciary. But I have already formed ten committees, twenty sub-committees, and thirty-five sub sub-committees. You see we have to look at it from all angles. What is the best way to go about it? How can we separate the two? You see it is like the case of conjoined twins. One may die or even both may die while trying to separate them. So, I have to be very careful. I don't want them to die. Do you want them to die? No, you don't. Therefore, I have been studying all the cases of conjoined twins in the history. Interesting read these are, I tell you ...

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Q: But sir, you haven't answered my question ... I wanted to ...

MLDDA: Yes, my dear. I know what your question was. And I am addressing your question. It is a very good question. Ah, where was I? Hmmm ... yes ... you see, it is so critical. Just as critical as separating conjoined twins or like separating salt from the seawater. The last case of conjoined twins I know of is the twin sisters from Iran. Unfortunately both of them died. How sad. Therefore ...

Q: OK, sir. We may go to another subject. What about allegations that you attended a party abroad where a dangerous criminal was present? There is a photograph where you are seen standing on his right. The person was absconding from law after a death sentence was served on him. It is being said that your office played a major role in getting him a pardon from the highest authority in your country. Please tell us about it.

MLDDA: Oh, you mean that party? It was a good party. Food was good. Beverages were first class. The host was a wonderful chap. He called me "brother" and all that. He has such a lovely family ...

Q: Sorry, sir. What about the photograph? The pardon?

MLDDA: The photograph? Oh, that! Did I wear a suit? I hope I did, because I don't like to be seen without a suit and a tie. Was I standing on his left or right? I hope I was on the right because I don't want to be identified as a leftist ha ha ha.

Q: I have another question, sir, if you may please give a straight answer. What about the killers of the great leader of your country? Why you did not do anything to expedite dispensation of justice?

MLDDA: Killers? Has someone been killed lately? Oh, you mean the one that took place sooooo many years ago! Amazing memory you people have. Well, first of all, most documents have been eaten up by uloo, I mean termites. Then many judges have been so embarrassed by the case that they have become mute permanently. I feel so bad for their family members. How can a mute person carry on in life! You see it is very difficult to get good and dedicated judges these days. You know when we were young we used to look up at a judge as someone next to the angels. Those judges ...

Q: Sir, you are drifting again ...

MLDDA: No, no. I am right on track. You are concerned only with one murder. On the other hand, I have to take care of so many murders. I have to find so many ways and means to ... anyway, those sentenced in that murder incident that happened so long ago ... by the way, what was the day ... was it a Friday or a Sunday? Do you remember the day? I remember this much that I was supposed to address a seminar that morning. I had my best suit out with a matching tie. But I could not wear them. Everything turned upside down because of that murder ...

Q: You mean upside down for the nation?

MLDDA: No, no, for my going to the seminar wearing my new suit and tie. It was cancelled. The case? Oh, yes, I am looking into the case. That's my business, isn't it? That's why I am here. Again I have formed twenty-five committees, thirty-five sub-committees, and forty-one sub sub-committees to look in to the matter. You know what, I have to read so many documents and reference books that I may have to change my glasses. In fact, I am going to Singapore for a new pair of glasses. I'll be there for a couple of months and after I come back I shall wear my new pair of glasses and read the relevant papers. Some of the handwritings and typed texts are so illegible that I may need to change my glasses once again. Why didn't they computer compose them? Computers were not available those days, you say? Ah ha, that explains it! Well, where was I?

Q: Nowhere, sir. And that's where you always are. Neither here nor there. Thank you, sir, for your candid answers. You have thrown enough light on the subjects. I am sure our readers will enjoy reading this interview. You have always been a straight talker.

MLDDA: Anytime, dear. I treat foreigners with great honour. Locals are locals. But foreigners are different. I hope you will print this interview on the front page of your daily. It will help me a lot.

Shahnoor Wahid is a Senior Assistant Editor of The Daily Star.