Minister for Kupi hints at dark future

At the moment, people there are queuing up to buy kupi (indigenous kerosene lamp) to fight the "dark future" that awaits them. Why, you ask? Because, their very own Minister for Kupi has declared in the country's parliament that no matter how many power plants become operative, load-shedding will not go away.

After this prophetic statement the Messiah-like Minister told the people to buy kupi to fight the impending "curse of darkness" about to be cast upon them for their sins. The only problem is those who are used to sleeping in an air-cooled room will be totally kupokat (floored) in the heat.

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And since the RMG sector is going to lose 50 per cent output because of power shortage, many factory owners have decided to sew kanthas (hand-sewn quilt) during load-shedding to sell in foreign markets. A large delegation of RMG factory owners has already left the country to visit overseas markets with this new product.

Then there is news from the foreign affairs area of Land of Hope. The long-reigning Foreign Minister of that country has received divine enlightenment after a recent visit to some foreign lands. He came back to the country and told the people that the foreign governments want the two political parties to end their Kuru-Pandava quarrel and work together for the good of the country. He even said that they should actually do that.

The Foreign Minister reminded me of Lord Buddha who also talked like that after returning amongst his people in Kapilabhastu from months of meditation. He told them to love one another, even animals, and work for the good of mankind.

The people of Land of Hope thanked their lucky stars that their Foreign Minister has finally come to comprehend what they have been saying all along, since the two parties locked horns in a mortal battle. So it seems, like Lord Buddha's leaving home to be enlightened, one has to go abroad frequently to become insightful about one's own country's politics.

We mentioned earlier about the hectic work schedule of the Ministry of Letter Writing in that country. True to our report the chithi chalachali (sending letters back and forth) is going on nonstop since our last report. Special messengers are running to and fro with letters from one party general secretary to another.

When the electronic media reporters ask the two general secretaries about the outcome of the letters they smile sheepishly, almost like teenagers caught red-handed with love letters, and give answers that make no meaning whatsoever.

The people of the world, and even the Martians, I heard, are watching this innovative chithi chalachali game with lots of interest. There is every likelihood that this letter-writing game will get the first place in Guinness Book of World Records.

It has been reported that the sugarwallahs in Land of Hope are taking preparations to accord a huge reception to the former Minister for Shakkar in a remote island located in the southern part of the country. (Remote island to avoid people coming in with Bengal's famous basher lathi).

You see, the sugarwallahs are not an ungrateful lot and that's why they haven't forgotten what the former minister has done for them, and undone for the country. They remember vividly how because of his blessedly inept handling of the market price of commodities, especially sugar, they are millionaires today. That's why they want to weigh him against sugar and present him that much sugar as gift.

Then from my sources in Land of Hope I have come to know that the people are all excited about the draft voters' list that has been made public recently. The Selection Commission has done a fantastic job of selecting over one crore voters extra so that all goes well in the next general election. The mute Chief Selection Commissioner was not around to comment on this. He only likes to speak in front of foreigners.

Now that the list is out, my friends in that country, Rahim, Karim, Jadu, and Madhu are frantically looking up and down the list to find their names. But they are nowhere to be found. But why should they be so upset about it?

Maybe their names aren't there, but there are names of some ghosts, as reported in the media, in the list. Doesn't it sound fantastic? Imagine semi-transparent beings standing in the queue with you to cast their votes during election! It would seem like a scene taken from an Edgar Allan Poe story or a Hitchcock film! Definitely that would be an experience of a lifetime. So, do not miss it. Do go to vote during the next election and shake hands with some ghost voters.

Shahnoor Wahid is a Senior Assistant Editor of The Daily Star.